What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
