Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
