finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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