For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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