Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
