Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
