I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
