Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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