You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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