Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize