I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
