Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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