So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
