I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
