Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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