I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
