i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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