belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
