we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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