if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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