Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
