I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
