So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Pants are for mortals
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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