you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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