yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
