I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
