I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Randomize
