i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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