he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
