Is it because I queefed?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize
