listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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