Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
