How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Last time i carry you out of a forest
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
