whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
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