Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
