he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
