I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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