i'm signing you up for texting rehab
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
