return my video game
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
