i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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