I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
