i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
