We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
this is an emotional support booty call
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
