On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
