oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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