yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
