Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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