I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
