Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize