I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
