How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize