ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
