Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
