Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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