I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
