Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
