Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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