A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
false alarm, still single
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