he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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