I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I need to stop coming to work sober
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
