I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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