I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Those nachos came to me in a dream
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
