We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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