Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
