Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
