I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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