OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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