Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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