My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
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