I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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