check it out our google latitudes are spooning
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
