I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize