we're chasing vodka with high fives
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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