I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
