I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
