you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
