There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
