Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
barbara walters just said penis...
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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