Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
MIDGETS
????
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
