Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
