i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
