I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I have fence marks all over my body
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
