my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I will be naked everywhere
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
