I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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