Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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