What did we do last night that was yellow?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
