Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I faked an abortion last night.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
