I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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