the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I need moral support for this bender
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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