I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
he puts the penis in happiness.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
