Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
