Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
