I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
