: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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