My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
