I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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